The feeling of belongingness

The introductory emotion that every mortal feels, right from their existence that reminds them of their importance, that implies their need, yet somehow few humans inadequacies to retain deprives them of the very prime emotion that could be supreme in one's existence- the feeling of belongingness, the one we find in our mother's arms that pacified us to fall asleep. 

And I am one of those few humans who were inadequate to retain that emotion. creating a burden and being a liability!

There are a million thoughts that I ponder on yet this feeling never leaves me, endless nights- sleepless, I crave for a feeling so foreign, so lost; to feel belonged in this mortal realm is to ask for unknown, every passing day feels like I've lived and felt before is this the feeling of Deja Vu? 

  

Don't we all?

As the day fades to the night I stop pretending, as everyone transcends to the world of imagination with closed eyes, I burry my face within the darkness and continue to ponder on the thoughts I always do, there's no hurt, no pain, as I grow older I grow number to this longing. and every time I feel belonged something reminds me I am not, this journey feels like I've been stuck in the singularity being pulled and pushed in both ends.

Wish I could exaggerate.

Sometimes I wish my tears had colours, 'cause if they did I would've painted a colourful world of my own,  for once, it wouldn't be all grey!

       

But, What makes us feel belonged? what makes us feel. what have we named it?

What are we all searching for? Merely a refuge from this mortal realm, as we breathe we search for a place where we could lay our bones- a shoulder to rest and soul to carry our fears as we rest, and a place to stay. isn't this what we call home? and as we perish we search for people to carry our bones and memories in denial of the fact that we could be forgotten.

In the end, we all search for a  sense of belongingness, that we probably lost in our mother's womb. A sweet lullaby that reminisces of what we lost still seemingly soothes our ache of the warmth and safety we lost. this world outside could be too harsh on our skin and heart but what does this sense of belongingness compensate for?

for the sleepless night's I count, none have been thoughtless and alas there's no denial as a human I crave for things I can never have.

Alive I don't want my feet to touch the land, I want to fly and swim in the sky as I feel the wind, yet as I die I want my bones to perch deeply onto the roots of a tree. 

This soul of mine has turned into a gluttonous monster unsure of what it's seeking

"The scariest monsters are the one that lurk within our soul"

                                                                                      - Edgar Allan Poe.