Mirage

At once I’m on cloud nine the very next second I struggle to even pretend fine;

My brain freezes as it fails to comprehend the  distinct words that are supposed to be detailed - expectation from a exception who lacks acceptation!

  Is acceptance all I seek for ?

I see the world as I could go blind the next second , capturing every moment and it's vibrance afraid of losing what I have , I fail to live the moment ,reminiscing the opportunity I have lost;

 In the world of black and white my canvas is painted gray; 

As I struggle to pick a side I’ve fallen astray .

 I try to paint my world vibrant as I bleed through my eyes- yet so colourless , as tears they fall a sign of my defeat , I've accepted.

It's a pain to fall asleep all these nights

Thoughts haunt this cold brain that chose to listen to it's heart - so tragic yet so beautiful!

So flawed yet so astonishing.

Like  two souls they float towards the corner of my brain, twisted in my thoughts , like fishes swimming in a fish bowl- trapped; 

One wants to be set free , to swim in the ocean of sky- illogical?, while the other finds solace within where it lives.

Is it a brainmalfunction?

That only the realisation of not being dead makes me feel alive , even breathing seems to be a voluntary .

Why are we in search of dopamine ? 

Why does the brain doesn't secrete enough?Unlike the toxic thoughts that brain emits? Does happiness come at cost of my life?

 To expect kindness and to be selfless should I be told that selflove is selfish? 

I hallucinate on my wishes that are despised in reality.

Pretentious yet cautious , I prented to be what they accept.